it’s very important that i am both cute and powerful

(via aiyaitskaren)


*WIth my friends Q & S, right after dinner*

S: Look! My stomach is sticking out! :D
All: :D

Me: *turns to GF*
Me: Your belly looks like… you’re… pregnant… with food.
All: :D

Me: It’s like a b….
GF: Like a baby made of shit.


GF: This Friday night is my friend’s birthday.

Me: Ah. Umm, is it ok if I stay home?

GF: Of course. You are not invited. They don’t like you.


*eating at a very nice restaurant, one of my favorites*

Chef, standing next to our table: This is a roasted portobello mushroom served with buttered rice and crispy parma ham, and with a bit of white truff-

*GF tries*

GF: This tastes like microwave food.